Congratulations are in order: Your college applicant has been admitted. You probably feel a rush of emotions, including pride, relief, maybe a little sadness at the thought of your baby bird leaving the nest, possibly some concern about the looming expense about to hit your budget.
With apologies to Winston Churchill: This is not the end, it’s not the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. Here’s my advice for what you and your child should be wrestling with. As always, your family’s mileage may vary.
We’ll start with a look at the basics, then at two common scenarios: (1) Your kid got into their top choice and (2) your kid got into several schools.
General Advice
As always, your job is to facilitate your kid’s process, not impose your outcome. Maybe they got into your alma mater, leading you to feel wave upon wave of nostalgia. Maybe you think their top choice should not be the top choice. You’re entitled to your opinion.
But pressuring them can backfire spectacularly. Not just in the teenager-does-the-opposite-of-what-parent-wants way, but in the adult-tries-living-through-teen-and-teen-is-miserable way.
Don’t compare them to other kids, either to them or around them. Overhearing you proclaim “well, Ezra K.’s parents must be so proud he got into Columbia” can sting.
Don’t forget that this is their story to tell, not yours. At the same time, remind them that you are proud of them and that you’re available if they have questions or need help.
That’s the general stuff. Now to the more specific.
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So You Got In to Your Top Choice
But while the heavy lifting is done, there are still tasks on your (and your child’s) to-do list.
First, make sure it’s still the No. 1. If feasible, consider a return to the campus for a visit. If your financial situation has changed, see whether it’s still affordable. Have a look at school-specific scholarships. Basically, you’re revisiting a decision that was probably made at least six months ago.
Second, if it’s still No. 1, you have to keep watch for some paperwork. Put down the deposit required to ensure a slot in the incoming class. Look out for deadlines related to housing and orientation programs.
- I strongly recommend considering “pre-orientation.” Orientation itself tends to be two-four days on campus meeting classmates (including a roommate if you have one) and learning the ropes, like how to register for classes. Pre-orientation programs add a few days or as much as a week, often cater to particular interests (my son’s “pre-O” focused on fitness) and let you move in early. Remember scanning summer camp photos for a glimpse of your kid? You get to do that again via the programs’ social media accounts.
Third, once the initial elation has worn off, remind your child that admission is typically contingent on not totally slacking off academically.
More Than One ‘Admit’?
This is where things can really get tricky. In some ways, you’re going through the initial list-making process all over again.
Some of the advice stays the same whether your kiddo got into one school or many. Try to get back to your applicant’s top schools – ideally for an overnight visit, though the pandemic wiped out a lot of those programs.
If your child has a desired course of study, go online and compare what the schools have to offer. Maybe University X has a graduate program and offers a bachelor’s/master’s in five years.
Compare financial aid packages. This is one area in which parental involvement is not just worthy but actively desired. Help your applicant understand grants vs. loans. Help them understand that they can show one school’s offer to try to get another to boost theirs. (I did this for graduate school and was surprised at how receptive everyone was.)
I would consider making pros and cons lists for each school to focus your kiddo’s mind.
But they’ve already done the hard stuff by … Getting In.
