Here we go! It’s decision time.
For students not still clinging to hope they’ll be admitted off their dream school’s waitlist, May 1 is the deadline for fully committing to attend a specific institution of higher education. As a parent, this is a narrow window in which to share some final thoughts.
This is among the most important decisions of their young lives. It has far-reaching ramifications for them and for you. And it comes at the tail end of a process that often feels entirely out of their control. This is stressful stuff.
As we regularly note in this column, your job is to facilitate their decision, not make it for them. You owe them measured candor – now is not the time to tell them you absolutely hate the school they’re leaning toward.
So, listen to their doubts and their misgivings and help them puzzle things out. This is also a good moment to remind your progeny that, as I have told my son for years, “not deciding is deciding.” Not making a decision doesn’t banish the very real deadline. And missing it may mean missing admissions offers.
I didn’t have to do this – my son got into his dream school via early decision – so take my advice with a grain of salt. Here are some thoughts about how to talk to them in this final stretch. They center on one question: Why hasn’t your child committed yet?
Procrastination?
The problem could be garden-variety procrastination. It’s a huge decision and can feel pretty scary. Maybe putting it off feels somehow safer?
It might be time for some hand-holding. Hopefully you (and they) followed our advice for building a list of schools and now have only good options. Sit down with them and have them walk you through what they are thinking.
Assuming you know where they got in, you can try to defeat a teen’s sullen “I dunno” by listing each school and having them describe what they like and don’t like about each one. A literal pros-and-cons list can organize the mind. Yes, even a teen’s. If necessary, remind them of what they found appealing. Try to figure out whether they changed their mind about a school and why. Tell them you are excited about this next phase of their life.
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Money Worries?
Kids today are extremely aware of the high cost of college. It’s a central feature of the national conversation about higher education. Your child may be hesitating because of financial worries – either for themselves or for you.
Ideally, you addressed this when making the list. I have friends who gave their children a cost ceiling. I myself told my son that if he fell in love with a place, we’d make it work. If not, we were going to have a discussion about cost.
But it’s also possible that your child did not get the merit or need aid that you hoped for. That’s worth a parent-child discussion. You know more about your finances than they do. Be honest. And listen closely to their concerns. They may have misunderstandings you can clear up and ease them down the road to making a decision.
A Broken Dream?
Remember that there are reminders all around them that other kids got into their ideal institutions: classmates wearing school gear, social media accounts devoted to tracking where seniors are going next year, etc. Wound, meet salt.
This highlights the importance of making a list that features only schools where your child could see themselves being happy, even if one ranked higher on the joy scale.
Remind them of what they liked about the schools to which they were admitted. If you need to, sit down with them and look at the websites of those places. Go through the pros-and-cons process I described above. Gently remind them that this is a decision that can no longer be put off.
Here’s hoping they’ll finally be able to click.
